Doing My Own Head In

I haven't left the house for almost one whole week. Oh, actually that's a lie. I was out of the house briefly on Thursday to pop to the doctor's to ask him if he could stop the constant flood of blood that is coming from the back of my throat.

I had my tonsils out on Monday, you see. But I won't go on about that. Okay, I will a bit. Because it was really fucking painful. Seriously, I expected *some* pain and *some* blood, but the reality was much harsher. And the agony of eating toast a couple of hours after surgery will stay with me forever. Silent tears slid down my face as I feebly picked at a corner of the slice with my teeth while the nurse watched over me with her "you're not going home until you've eaten it" face.

I don't remember the last time I only had myself for company for so long. With everyone else out of the house during the day and only the internet, the telly and my two dogs to keep me sane I've spent a lot of time doing pointless tasks just to fill up another unit of time until someone comes home and talks to me with an actual voice.

I like pointless tasks. Really, I do. I like going through the motions of emptying all my drawers and then putting everything back in them again. But the other day I found myself rearranging my mum's spice rack whilst waiting for the kettle to boil in order of usage. At first, it really was just something to do while the kettle boiled. But then it became so much more than that and all the spice pots had to be taken out of the rack and lined up on the counter. I took a butter knife from the drawer and bent down so my eyes were level with the pots. Then I spent over half an hour using the knife as a straight edge to determine which pot had more than what pot left inside. Over half an hour. Measuring cinnamon. And I had to boil the kettle all over again. Which got me all annoyed. At myself. For wasting my own time. Even though I have nothing else to do. And this is how I've been all week. I can't even take my annoyance out, unfairly, on someone else because there is no one else during the day.

Today is the first day I woke up and didn't feel like I had a seven inch blade wedged in the back of my throat, so I got up, had a bath and put on proper clothes. Not pj's and an old comfort cardi. Jeans and a jumper. And now I'm going to walk the dog. For quite a long time. Like, an hour. Maybe. Getting out of the house is Best Idea, I think.