Lean On Me

I seem to attract unstable people. I seem to be the shoulders everyone offloads their weight onto, so once they're done complaining and feeling better I'm still sat there worried sick about what is to become of them. Friends shouldn't cause me this much stress, or take this much from me without giving something back.

Case in point, my best friend. Or, my sometime best friend. The best friend I have when she's fucked up yet again and needs someone to take charge of her situation and sort it out, give her a plan, put the plan in action, make sure she sticks to the plan. Then, when everything's settled down and she no longer feels the urge to pop three packets of pills, I don't hear from her. She's too busy going out with her other mates. The other mates that, strangely, are never around when she's hit rock bottom and a bottle of vodka. Again.

Without putting the reasons for her stupidity out there, I should say now the girl has some issues. Some issues I'll never quite get my head around, no matter how many times she tells me about them, or cries to me about them, or makes a passing joke, or throws them in my face when I dare to moan about anything that may have happened to me, past or present.

I don't mind her getting the stuff in her head out into the open, if it stops her doing something ridiculous then I'm all for it. But I am tired of having to watch her make the same mistakes time and time again.

I've tried sympathising, I've tried shouting, I've tried staying away, I've tried moving her into my house, I've tried alcohol, I've tried constant nights out, I've tried sitting in watching MTV and eating comfort food....but in the end she will still make a silly choice and disregard everything everyone around her says because she is convinced she knows what she wants and what she's doing.

Why do I bother? Because she doesn't have anyone else. No one. I am the only person who will drop everything to support her. Once this current mess is cleaned up and thrown out, we'll drift apart once again. And during that period of occasional emails and vague texts I will worry and I will wait. Because that is now my role in her life and although I've accepted it, I'm becoming increasingly tired of giving up parts of my life to accomodate for it.